#9: I Can See Clearly Now

How Writing this Substack has Cleared My Path

Hi Friends!

To say I was woefully unprepared for the impact writing this Substack would have on me would be a huge understatement.

I often advise people to write from the scar, not the wound, and I thought I was doing just that - writing from the scar - but I wasn’t.

And, that’s okay.

While writing earlier posts, I started to revisit my college days and my life as a Marxist feminist and began rereading the seminal works of the matriarchs of the movement. I had forgotten that I am an “oppressed” woman, like the rest of them, so it was good to be reminded.

Without warning, the “lost years” of my life started to come into clear view.

My past started to make sense.

Our “lost world” started to make sense.

And, I began to forgive myself for falling under the spell of the false promise of women’s liberation … and losing my chance to be a mom.

Confronting Cognitive Dissonance

Ironically, the very things Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Kate Millett, Germaine Greer, and a gazillion other second wave feminists claimed oppressed women were the very things I longed for in my life:

• marriage

• family

Marriage

Finding a soulmate and promising to travel through life with him sounded nothing like oppression to me; it sounded like freedom.

With the right partner by my side, I would have a champion.

A champion cheering me to become the fullest expression of me, wherever, whenever, and however that unfolded.

TRUTH » We all desire and we all need … a champion.

Family

As for kids, I was raised to believe that following a sequentialist approach to career and motherhood was the key to “having it all.”

You can have it all, just not at the same time. - Kelley’s Mom and Maria Shriver

But sequentialism is a product of the patriarchy, so it’s no bueno.

Let me be clear …

I am not a psychologist, nor am I a psychiatrist, but I am fully qualified to assert that feminist ideology, not marriage and family, is oppressing women.

Feminist ideology is a manipulative abuser. It lies to young girls, young women, and older women alike. It is the bitter root from which the vast majority of our social ills arise. - Kelley

Feminist ideology is not only responsible for making girls feel out of step, it is responsible for weakening rights protections for women who rely on their husbands’ incomes as the means necessary for building family life - the hunter and gatherer approach so to speak.

Teamwork!

In fact, protecting existing women’s rights was a key motivator for the fabulous and famous Phyllis Schlafly to form and lead the STOP ERA campaign in the 1970s. STOP ERA’s mission was to oppose ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (not the original 1923 version, but the 1972 version). It was, of course, successful.

The 1972 version of the ERA did not put “women” in the Constitution (the 1923 version did that), it put “sex” in the Constitution, which is defined more broadly than gender and has much wider implications. One must look downstream, to the second and third-order effects to discern the disaster.

Bottom line, the purpose of the ERA was to eliminate any and all distinctions between men and women in law, culture, and society, effectively destroying the traditional nuclear family’s capacity to function.

Feminism’s primary mission was to DESTROY the “patriarchal” structure of marriage and family. I’ll explain all of this in another post, but here’s Kate Millett’s views on the matter.

'The complete destruction of traditional marriage and the nuclear family is the 'revolutionary or utopian' goal of feminism. - Kate Millett

Because the ERA eliminated women’s ability to rely on their husband’s incomes and choose to create a home for her family, the nuclear family as the basic building block of society would cease to exist.

Getting existing women’s rights off of the chopping block was a high priority for the STOP ERA movement.

Here are just a few examples …

• sex segregated prisons,

• women’s shelters,

• protection from the draft and demands for equal representation in the military,

• the right to rely on her husband’s income in many instances, the least of which is securing credit, and

• various inheritance rights

—

As an aside, this is why I am so confused by the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth by modern women who wax on about the unfair nature of the government’s and many employers’ policies that don’t recognize the imperative of maximum flexibility for “working mothers” who need to take care of their kids too.

I keep scratching my head thinking …

Wait, did you just acknowledge that women are unique and special in their roles as mothers?

Color me shocked because that position is the exact opposite of feminism’s stance. And feminism has been baked deep into our legal codes over the last 50 years, courtesy in part of RBG.

We’re certainly experiencing some mixed messages these days.

—

Given the above, imagine how confused I was back in college …

my natural desires as a woman were being criticized as weak, old-fashioned, and perpetuating a crushing patriarchy.

Dude - I was still a kid! That wasn’t cool.

Confronting Meology and Myopia

Writing this Substack has also allowed me to remember my first husband and how unfair I was to him: expecting him to save me from myself was the height of selfishness. And, had things not ended as quickly as they did, my myopia could have ruined his whole life by being wed to a woman who resented his inability to be a savior.

I wasn’t remotely mature enough to enter into a lifelong covenant with a man I hardly knew and from whom I demanded more than he could ever give.

Suffice it to say, there have been many “long walks” and “deep thoughts” chez Keller over the past 10 weeks …

It’s been exhausting and amazing all at the same time …. but, strangely, my life makes sense to me now.

And. this is a good thing!

—

Making Sense of Madness

Mark Twain famously wrote …

The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

I was born on November 22, 1973.

I found out why on January 26, 2023.

—

On January 22, 2023, I posted #8: I Survived Roe v. Wade, but Roe v. Wade Did Not Survive Me …

#8: I Survived Roe v. Wade, but Roe v. Wade Did Not Survive Me

My posts don’t get a lot of traction beyond my subscribers, which is a small but mighty list, but this post was different.

—

On January 26, 2023, four days after I posted #8, I received an email from one of my subscribers, who also happens to be on the national staff of The Eagle Forum, and who also happens to be close with Mallory Millett, whom I quoted extensively in #8.

In fact, I learned about Ms. Millett’s work through The Eagle Forum and was mesmerized from the moment I laid eyes on her content. Mallory confirmed what many of us already believed (my words, not hers).

Kate Millett, Mallory’s sister, was a nasty woman. Not in the Hillary Clinton “nasty woman” context, but in the ordinary meaning of the term’s context … foul, filthy, disgusting.

Kate Millett’s words below are arguably among the most benevolent things she ever said.

Cue the indoctrination …

(Messaging from Kate … )

You don’t even know your life sucks, but I’m going to make sure you know it by the time you’re done listening to me!

Misery sure does love company.

—

I’ve only “met” Mallory through the written and spoken word, but she is the exact opposite of nasty, she is angelic.

But she is also heartbroken.

—

In the subscriber email I received on January 26, 2023, the sender forwarded a gorgeous message to me that included personal thoughts from Mallory Millett in direct response to my post #8.

OMG - Mallory Millet read my post!

I’ve been speechless ever since.

I don’t even know how to respond, it was so extraordinary. Writing this is my effort to put my thoughts into words.

I won’t share specifics without permission, but there are three takeaways from her message that merit sharing. Mallory Millett has stated these things publicly, so I am comfortable reiterating them in this context.

1 - The wreckage wrought by Kate Millett and Marxist Feminism on American women, and by extension, American men, is more than she can bear most days.

Yes, it was, and is, that bad.

I don’t think anyone who wasn’t there or hasn’t lived deep inside the ideology has a clue how evil and disgusting it is. It goes far beyond the “free love” lies. I, of course, have had my own reckoning with Marxist feminism.

Mallory lives with the fact that her sister, Kate, and older sister, Sally, and many other members of her family were ring leaders in this destructive circus.

While this is certainly not her burden to bear, the yoke is cripplingly heavy nonetheless.

2 - It is the women, not the men, who have wrecked the American family.

Radical feminists told girls that marriage and motherhood were old-fashioned and will ruin their lives, that success can only be achieved in the board room, and to ensure they attain full liberation from the attendant responsibilities of marriage and motherhood, they should join the sexual revolution, be “sluts and whores,” be “outlaws, damn outlaws” …

Radical feminists told girls that only through sexual liberation, promiscuity, and full economic independence from men could they get their power back.

I don’t know what power they were talking about since women never lost their power.

When is the last time you met a housewife and/or stay-at-home mom who wasn’t the most efficient, task mastering CEO you’ve ever met?

These moms run the house, the family, and make spending decisions.

She’s the power player, the decision maker, the ruler of the roost … she ensures that she, her husband, her children, if any, and any others who are part of their nuclear unit are safe, happy, and secure.

That’s power!

So, why exactly are women surrendering that for multiple one-night stands?

And what “power” are they getting in return?

3 - There is a new generation of women who are tired of the freedom-devouring claptrap.

And, we’re just turning 50, so we have a long road ahead. We survived the radical garbage and we’re not having it anymore.

Generation X survived the second wave because we’re not idiots and we’re awesome surfers.

We know intrinsically that men and women are different and that those differences are both complementary and equal in value.

We know that having sex has consequences because our parents actually taught us to zip our pants and stay out of trouble until we were in a position to raise a child. Choices have consequences!

Call me crazy, but abstinence works 100% of the time … and if we knew what was good for us, it was the only thing we needed to know.

It’s time young girls learn the same thing. Not to punish them, but to honor them and protect them.

Here’s a short list of TRUTHS we must tell younger women:

• sex does not make someone love you

• sex does not create self-esteem

• sex does not provide freedom

• sex does not make money grow

• sex is nothing like the movies …

But, sex with the wrong men will certainly break your heart. It breaks hearts before one knows what it means to be unbroken.

And it brings no joy.

Irresponsible sex isn’t just irresponsible, it’s dangerous.

And, there are only 3 outcomes:

1. you take the “walk of shame” and stay stressed out until your next period comes

2. you get an STD or make fast friends with unwelcome critters

3. you get pregnant

Note - falling madly in love and living happily ever after is NOT on the list. Might this happen on occasion? Once in a blue moon? Of course, but I wouldn’t be hedging my bets.

That's the menu radical feminism is serving. Choose wisely, if you choose at all!

—

Back to the beginning of this post …

I had no idea that writing these “confessions” would be so transformative for me. I wasn’t expecting to time travel to 1993 and relive my life with my famous feminist friends (words on pages have always been my friends). And I really wasn’t expecting to confront and reject the ideology of my early 20s.

With my blindness to my Marxist training absolved, the puzzle pieces of my past, our present, and visions of the future have started to come together.

I have taken the necessary time to process the emerging images the amalgamation is revealing. This has forced me into making a big decision, a decision I wasn’t expecting nor prepared to make.

Think of it this way …

• Once you know something, you can never unknow it. You can’t push it down or cast it out.

• Once you hear something, you can never unhear it. You can’t muffle the sound or cast it out.

• Once you see something, you can never unsee it. You can’t erase it or cast it out.

Side Story. When I was in the gym locker room in a former employer’s building about 15 years ago, one of the female law partners stepped out of the shower in her Birthday Suit. Seriously, her Birthday Suit. From then on, every time I saw her walking down the hallway, I could hardly see her actual clothes for the naked silhouette burned into my eyeballs. All these years later, I still cannot unsee it!

—

Now that I knew, heard, and saw the sound and scent of the bitter root of today’s mommy wars and equity marches …

• Would I stay silent for fear of ruffling feathers?

• Would I begin to share the truth of my journey knowing I would lose followers and fans, but on the chance I might help one girl, one boy, one woman, or one man feel less anxious and uncertain about their value, their nature, and their God-given instincts?

—

Turns out, I didn’t have to make the choice, it was made for me. As they say, the TRUTH will out. And out it is coming without any encouragement from me.

And, if my voice and my pen are vehicles for that, then I will answer the call and faithfully share what I know, even though the risk of rejection is high.

It’s never easy to push the ball uphill against massive forces that want nothing more than for you to shut up and go away, for you to fall and be crushed by said ball.

But if pushing the ball uphill is necessary, then pushing the ball it is. Sisyphus has nothing on me!

• But, why me?

• Why not me?

—

Going forward, please know that I am not sharing the details of a past journey, but of my current journey, and in real time.

I am telling the story of today, informed, of course, by yesterday. It is messy, but it's true.

With my newfound clarity, and hopefully continued courage, I will pick up the pace and share away - all caution is thrown to the wind!

Thanks for staying with me as I’ve bumbled through this unexpected excavation of my heart, my mind, and my soul.

—

I’ll leave you with this …

I’m inspired by this amazingly practical guidance from Andre Harper, author of Political Emancipation (pic below):

I would rather tell you the truth and have you be upset, than lie to you and have you lose respect for my integrity. You may not like what I say. However, if you do get offended, you will have to work that out on your own.

So, allow me to apologize in advance for unwittingly rubbing you the wrong way. It’s bound to happen, more than once. I am simply tell my story and sharing the words of those who have created this crazy broken social mess we’re in.

As a favorite speaker of mine says …

I don’t write the mail, I just deliver it.

Back soon with my much clearer thoughts about my preacher telling me to get married despite my doubts. Through this exploratory process over the last several weeks, I’ve finally figured out the true reason why I followed his advice.

Back in a flash ….

xo,

Kelley

February 9, 2023